porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
