I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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