I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
