I'm so fucking centered right now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
