I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize