Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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