i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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