my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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