Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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