The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
