But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
