I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
