Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
