Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
