If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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