okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
