i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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