When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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