Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
