Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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