So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
