Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
