I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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