she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
