just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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