Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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