I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
