It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well I just put wine in my tea
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
