I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
