I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
