covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
