remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
