At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
