I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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