I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
