this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
