Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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