Whatcha textin bout Willis?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
