Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
