he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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