Christians are straight up FREAKS
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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