hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
