Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
