the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
