looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
