So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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