in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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