9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
