i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
