I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
