I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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