I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
