Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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