What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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