think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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