he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
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rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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