That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
