just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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