The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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