i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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