Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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