is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
