id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
