As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
