So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
