Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's shark week go big or go home
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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