No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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