your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
