Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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