come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
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Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There are leaves in my underwear?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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