How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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