I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
