u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
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The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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