I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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