After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
