Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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