HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
