Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
