any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
