I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
