Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
