hotel room ftw
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
