I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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